


My Love is Your Love

by LittleMy



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alpha Louis Tomlinson, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Asexual Character, Asexual Harry Styles, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Established Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles Has a Crush on Louis Tomlinson, M/M, Omega Harry Styles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-03-09 18:31:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18922681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMy/pseuds/LittleMy
Summary: Louis is a non traditional alpha who falls in love with a non traditional non-sexual omega. Follow their journey as they navigate through making a relationship between a sexual and asexual person work.





	1. Love is unconditional

Harry and Louis had met each other via their mutual friend from college, Niall. He was on the same footie team with Louis and was studying psychology just like Harry. He had actually been the one to introduce those to to each other at one of his epic parties. Niall’s parties were known all around the campus but it had actually been the first time Harry participated. He’d never been one to party too much, but Niall had convinced him to join since Harry had been complaining about his lack of dating experience.

“It’s not that easy for me you know” he had huffed for Niall when he asked about it, saying that with Harry’s looks he could pull just about anyone he wanted - guy or girl, alpha, beta or omega. But Niall had seen it already a long time ago, that Louis and Harry would be perfect for each other. It’s just that Louis had been in a relationship, and while Niall thought the guy was a jerk, Louis had been pretty serious about it. But then Louis had found out he had been cheated on and broke up with him. So what better opportunity? 

Long story short, both attended Niall’s party and he “oh so conveniently” introduced them to each other. And to everyone else, even Louis and Harry themselves, they didn’t maybe stick out as the most compatible pair at first: the party-goer with a bad-boy reputation and the quiet psychology student. But quickly they had found out that Harry isn’t actually all that quiet and shy, and that despite his reputation and being the party boy alpha that he is, Louis isn’t a bad boy at all. On the contrary: he’s passionate about children, studying human services and physical education. He’s even planning on going to university to study social work as his major and psychology as a minor.

And after talking to each other all night, they agreed to go on a date. And to a second one, and third one… But despite hitting off instantly, it was only their fifth date that Harry finally had decided to come out to Louis as an asexual. And the thing was, Harry knew he should’ve already talked to Louis about it. He knew that Louis was sexual, but he just hadn’t had the guts to say anything before.

So when Harry walked Louis up to his apartment after a great date he didn’t really want to end, Louis asked, “Wanna come up with me?” And Harry knew he should say no. He really should. But instead he found himself licking his lips a little nervously and smiling. “Yeah, sure,” he answered, and Louis’ smile grew only bigger.

They walked up to the second floor and down the hallway, stopping at what Harry guessed to be Louis’ front door. “It’s a little messy I’m afraid” Louis apologised and opened the door. And Harry was happy the whole thing happened quite quickly so he didn’t have too much time for getting nervous or starting to second guess if this was a good idea.

The apartment was a little messy indeed – well messier than Harry’s – but it wasn’t bad, and Louis gestured Harry to the living room couch as he went to the fridge. “Want anything to drink?” He asked Harry.

“Just some water I guess,” Harry qroaked, his throat a little dry because he knew this was the time. He had say it now.

“Mind if I have a beer?” Louis called, and Harry swallowed. Was drinking really ideal for this situation? But then again, what was he supposed to say? ‘No, I don’t think you should. Since I’m about to tell you you won’t ever get laid with me and I’m not totally sure you want to continue this after then. So, I’d rather talk with you while sober.’ So; “no, that’s fine”, he called back to the kitchen.

When Louis came back with a bottle of water and a beer, he sat down on the small couch next to Harry, and turned to face him. Harry thanked Louis quietly for the water and after that neither of them said anything. For a while it was comfortable, but then it started to turn a little awkward. It was clear that both felt nervous and Harry could see the gears turning in Louis’ head, desperately figuring out something to say but trying to not just blurt something completely stupid.

Finally Harry took a deep breath, collecting all his courage. This is it. “Lou-”

But at the same time Louis spoke too. “Wanna watch a movie?” he asked, interrupting. And without waiting for an answer, Louis jumped up and moved to the TV. If Harry wasn’t so nervous himself, he would’ve probably found it endearing how nervous the alpha was. He after all had way much more dating experience and according to the society’s rules, Harry should’ve been the most nervous one in this type of a situation.

“Uh, sure,” Harry answered a little uncertainly.

Thirty minutes into the Notebook, Louis scooted in close to Harry, who tensed at first but then forced himself to relax and seem at least somewhat normal. Louis was a nice guy after all. And they’d been on four dates plus the current one and he hadn’t pushed anything so far. Finally he even forced himself even closer to Louis and curled under his arm, then feeling the alpha’s head coming to rest on top of his.

Towards the end of the movie, Louis got a little shifty, and Harry could tell the moment Louis stopped paying attention to the movie because he started feeling kisses being pressed against his curls and his temple. Harry looked up at Louis and smiled, then leaning in to a real kiss on the lips.

 

It was a good kiss, as far as Harry knew kisses went, and he hummed into it a little bit because it felt comfortable. But when Louis started to kiss him a little more urgently, and his hand landed on Harry’s thigh, it stopped being so comfortable and started feeling a little off.

“Lou,” Harry said quietly, letting their kisses die down a little, but his heart started racing when Louis started sliding his hand up Harry’s thigh, and Harry backed up, ending the kisses completely. “Lou,” he said.

Louis looked a little confused, but not too put out, and Harry breathed a quiet breath of relief. “Everything okay?” Louis asked, brows drawn in concern.

Harry took a steadying breath. “I – uhm, no, not really,” he said nervously. “I’m – we have to talk.”

“Are you pregnant?” Louis asked after a beat of silence, and Harry kind of laughed because he could see that despite seeming calm and making jokes, Harry could see how down right scared Louis was now. Harry could guess it was the “oh god did I just ruin this, oh god I probably went too far too fast didn’t I-“ -train of thought that was circling in his head.

“No, I’m – can we talk seriously, though? I’m not mad, or anything,” he said quickly when Louis started squirming. “I’m just – I don’t want to have sex,” he blurted out, and promptly wanted to facepalm himself. Smooth, Styles.

“Oh,” Louis said, a little surprised. “Well. Okay, then. That’s – we can take it slow, Harry; I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.” He looked like he felt a little guilty, and it made Harry feel bad. “Or like, if you don’t want to continue this at all, then that’s fine too. We can, uh- I-“

Harry put a hand on Louis’ knee and scooted closer again. “No, it’s – you didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, not – well, not really.” It was kind of a lie, but Harry also knew it wasn’t on purpose. “I’m – Well I’m not, uh, actually gay. Technically. Not just gay. If you really want to label it.” Harry rambled and Louis blinked over at him. “I mean- I am into guys, yeah. In, in a way. And I think you’re great and I want to keep seeing you… I’m just not – Well I’m not sexual,” he said, watching Louis’ reaction carefully. “I mean, I’m not…interested. In having sex.”

Louis blinked. “Oh. At all?” He asked, and Harry bit his lip at Louis’ incredulous tone as he shook his head.

“No, not really. Not even during heat” he answered. “And, before you- It’s not anything to do with you, no. You’re not ugly or anything, it’s just that as an asexual I’m not interested in doing it with anybody.”

“Okay. So that’s what it’s called, asexual?” Louis asked. “You’re asexual?”

“Yeah,” Harry replied, shifting to tuck his legs under himself and face Louis completely.

“So, what, like, sex grosses you out?” Louis asked then and Harry could see he was trying to put his words together carefully.

“Well no, no. It’s not really that. I’m not like, sex repulsive or anything” Harry answered, trying to think things out. “I mean, I’m just not… Like, you’re gay. Right?”

“Right…” Louis said, a little confused.

“So you’re not interested in having sex with girls,” Harry fumbled, and Louis nodded. “But I’m sure that the thought of like, one of your friends doing it with their girlfriends doesn’t like, make you gag?”

Louis laughed at that, and then looked like he felt a little guilty for laughing, so Harry laughed with him. “No, no, it doesn’t,” he said finally.

“Right. So. Uh, well this is a bit different for everyone, okay? But for me. I don’t think It’s god-awful disgusting to think about; it’s just not my thing. Like, I’d still get hard if I, you know, tried; it’s biology. And I do masturbate sometimes, just so that my bits don’t turn blue. But I just have never really had an interest.”

Louis stayed quiet for a moment, and Harry chewed his lip. “So…are you saying you don’t – want to be with me? Because I do like sex?”

Harry propped his elbow up on the back of the couch, leaning his head in his hand. “Well” he sighed. “It’s not like I find you repulsive or anything. Like, I knew when starting this thing that you are a sexual person. It’s also called allosexual among some of us asexuals, by the way. “ Harry looked right into Louis’ eyes, to make sure he understands. And seeing Louis nod, he continued. “But it’s really not a matter of wanting to be with you,” he explained, “And I do. I mean, I am interested in you; I’d date you in a heartbeat. But you have to understand, I couldn’t – I mean, I won’t…we’re not going to have sex. Ever. I don’t want it, and I probably never will, and you won’t be able to change that. So what I’m saying is that it’s up to you if you want to continue this thing with me.”

The whole thing was making Harry uncomfortable, but when Louis lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Harry and pulled him closer, Harry let him do it. Louis turned him around a bit and let Harry rest his back against his chest and fiddled with his hands.

“Well, first of all. There’s nothing wrong with you,” he said, resting his head against the side of Harry’s. “I don’t think there is.” He took a deep breath, and his exhaled air hit Harry’s cheek as they both sat, thinking separately. Finally, Louis said, “And second, I’d like to try being with you. I really like you, and I definitely – I mean, I want to learn, and, like understand. I want to understand so I can be good to you. I guess I’m just asking you to, like, be patient, if I stay something stupid, or whatever.”

Harry shifted against Louis’ back and rested his head back on Louis’ shoulder, kissing his cheek. “There’s not really a lot of rules. I just – I mean, obviously, don’t push sex on me.”

“Obviously,” Louis repeated, and pushed Harry’s index finger up.

“Uhm, and, like, don’t be pissed off or think I was teasing you, or something, if I stop kissing you, or whatever…because I can guarantee, I have no interest in teasing you or leading you on. Oh and, um. Don’t – uhm, I know it’s kind of…embarrassing, I guess, for some guys to tell their friends they aren’t getting any even though they’re in a relationship, but…don’t make up a sex life to tell your friends. That’s – that’s really disrespectful, and I don’t –”

“God, has someone done that to you?” Louis said, pulling his head back a little so he didn’t yell in Harry’s ear. Harry sat and nodded, a little sadly, thinking back to his first boyfriend in high school. That had broken his heart. “That’s so –” Louis took a deep breath and pushed Harry’s ring finger up. “What else?” He asked, his voice much calmer than it had been a few seconds before.

Harry smiled privately, just to himself, and said, “I – think that’s all, really. Other than that, we can figure as we go?”

Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s stomach and squeezed him close, resting his head back against Harry’s again. “Of course,” he said. “Uh, and – you’ll tell me if I’m making you uncomfortable, right? Like, if you didn’t like me touching you like this –”

“I can promise, I’ll let you know,” Harry assured him sincerely. “Like I said,” he added, “I love snuggling and stuff. There’s just kind of a line between that and other stuff. We’ll figure it out.”


	2. Love is unselfish

After that they became official, as boyfriends. And mostly they were happy too, probably the sappiest couple among their friends. But it wasn’t always easy either, and there was a lot of figuring out with the limits and stuff. One of the first obstacles the really had to figure out was Harry’s heat, which came pretty soon after their talk. Harry asked Louis to spend it with him, since although he didn’t crave for the sex, he always looked for the proximity and scent of an alpha. The security that came with it. Louis though felt a little intimidated at first, a little scared of himself. Even though Harry didn’t want to have sex, he still oozed all the pheromones and Louis spent most of the week with a boner. But he wasn’t an animal, and many times Harry thought he was almost being too gentle with him, too careful. And he understood Louis’ need to take care of himself too. Later on thinking Louis probably thought he was being discreet about it, but Harry knew perfectly well what was going on when he woke up without the alpha next him and there were noises coming from the toilet.

  
Sometimes they fought as well, like that one time when it all really came to ahead, when they were on the way to Nialls’ engagement party.  
“I don’t know what you want from me, Louis,” Harry said, frustrated. “I’m not a fucking dictionary just because I’m not sexual; it’s not like anyone’s ever written an asexuality for dummies for me to read to you!”  
Louis sighed and shook his head, looking over his shoulder as he moved into the next lane. “You don’t get it. I’m not asking you speak for all the asexuals; I’m asking you to explain things when I don’t understand!!”  
“Why should I have to explain things?” Harry asked, his voice a bit too loud. “Why can’t you just accept that when I say don’t, it fucking means don’t?”  
“I do accept it!” Louis shouted, and Harry knew if he weren’t driving, he’d be glaring. “Of course, I accept it, because I fucking love you! I’m just trying to understand! I’m trying to learn if there’s a reason behind why you don’t want me to do something, so I won’t do similar stuff in the future!”  
“Well, forget it,” Harry said, his voice back to normal as he glared out the window. “I don’t have to give you a reason every time you want one. Just accept that I don’t like things. That’s what I want you to do. If you can’t do that, then leave.”

  
It was silent in the car as Louis kept driving, and Harry wanted to cry, a little bit. He knew he was being a dick. To be fair, so was Louis, but he didn’t mean to tell Louis to leave. But, he was in the right. It was his sexuality; he didn’t owe Louis answers every time something didn’t make sense to him.  
Then after a few minutes, Louis drove to the nearest buss stop and stopped the car. “I’m getting out. Here, take the keys and wish Niall and Lucy the best of luck from me.” Louis stepped out of car and slammed the door angrily.  
“Louis!” Harry gasped after him. But his boyfriend didn’t stop and instead marched away so fast he disappeared quickly from Harrys’ view. Harry sat in the silence of the car for a while, and then sighed. It’s not like he didn’t ask for Louis to leave, but this was different. Or at least he hoped so. And he hated leaving things in a fight with Louis. Or with anybody really. Like, what if something happened? So he got out of the car as well and started walking to the direction he saw Louis going.

After a while he saw a familiar lump sitting on a park bench. And if the situation was a bit different, he’d probably approach him with a line about how much of a hot mess he’s looking right now; even if he was asexual and they were fighting, Harry knew what beauty looked like. And today Louis had chosen probably the tightest pair of black pants he owns, and that purple shirt and leather jacket -combination Harry oh-so-loves. So he definitely didn’t look bad. But now’s not the time for that.  
So instead, Harry just walked up to Louis and sat next to him.  
“I’m sorry”, he sighed. “I’m sorry we fought.”  
“You just don’t get it, do you?” Louis mumbled to his hands, leaning against knees. And Harry shook his head, asking for what Louis meant.  
“I don’t – I don’t ask out of malice. I don’t mean to rile you up, you know? I just, I just want to know”, he explains, first looking at Harry and then back down. “I’m just. I’m just so fucking scared.”  
Harry looked at Louis, bewildered. “About?”  
“That I’ll. That I’ll hurt you, that I’ll do something and you’ll leave me. That I’ll cross some invisible line and you’ll decide that you’ve had enough and just leave.” That was Louis’ biggest fear, one that sometimes kept him up at night. Especially on days that something had happened, he found himself being un-able to sleep, thoughts going wild in his head. Sometimes he even cried, quietly so he wouldn’t wake up Harry, who on most nights now ended up sleeping in Louis’ bed. “Like, sometimes I don’t know what you want from me, and then I get confused and scared that I keep doing the wrong thing.”  
And if Louis’ wasn’t crying before, he sure was now. “I just wanna be good” he sobbed against Harry now. “Just wanna be good for you.”  
“Oh honey” Harry sighed. “But you are. You are plenty good for me.”  
“I don’t want to. I just never want to hurt you, you know?” Louis mumbled through his tears. “I don’t. Want to make you feel like. Like I don’t respect you or-or you’re limits.”  
“But you do- I mean, you don’t make me feel like that. Lou” Harry sighed again. “I’m. I’ll shoot Niall a text that something’s come up and we won’t be coming. Then we’ll go home, I’ll drive, and we’re gonna have a chat. Hmm, that okay? I’m not mad or anything anymore, but I think we need to talk. That good?”  
Louis nods and so Harry digs his phone up, wishing Niall him and Lucy all they’re best and that he’ll explain everything later and that of course he’ll still be Niall’s best man (not that he’s been asked yet). Then he helps Louis, whose tears have lessened and mostly dried by now, up from the bench.

Back at Louis’ place Harry directs Louis to the livingroom and then fetches two bottles of water and a box of tissues for Louis to wipe the rest of his tears.  
“Now, honey” Harry starts, looking at his boyfriend. “Why don’t you tell me what’s been going on?”  
But Louis doesn’t quite know how where to start from, so eventually Harry decides to speak first.  
“I- I’m sorry, like I said already. I’m sorry we fought” he starts with. “And I know it’s not really… I know it doesn’t make sense, a lot of times. I know it’s hard for you to understand all the why’s and the when’s and such, and I’m sorry I got angry about you asking. I just – it’s just sometimes hard for me to explain. Finding the words to describe something that’s like so- so clear for me but – there just never seem to be words for what you’re asking. And, like, even though I know you’re not trying to do it. I know you ask because you just- yeah. But sometimes it kind of feels like I keep having to justify myself over and over again. And constantly being questioned like that makes me feel like a freak, or, like, a lab rat, or something. And I don’t like it.”  
“Oh, I didn’t know” Louis answers. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ask you to explain yourself to me all the time. I know it’s not something easily explained. I hope you know that when I ask you for answers, it comes from a place of love – but I still shouldn’t make you feel like you’re questioned every time you ask me to do something, or to not do something. I’m sorry.”  
“I do. I do. It’s just. Like I said, sometimes this stuff’s just so hard to explain.” Harry asks, realising at the same time that maybe he should ask more from Louis about his feelings as well in order to gain better understanding.  
Louis hums. “Yeah. I know….” he starts, swallowing tears again. “I just really don’t want to hurt you. Ever.”

  
Harry frowns.  
“I’m just worried that…. I don’t know. I ask so much, because I really want to understand you, and like, not break your limits. I don’t want to wake up one day and find you gone because you’ve decided that I’ve broke one too many lines and you’ve finally had enough. That like, I just can’t seem to learn and never will and. I know you’ve been patient mostly so far, but it’s got to end sometime, doesn’t it? I’m sorry if to you it has seemed like I’ve been interrogating you or questioning your sexuality. Like I’ve said, that’s not what I mean at all. But. I. Sometimes it just feels like all I do is the wrong thing, like I keep crossing you’re lines and I- sometimes it’s all I can think at night. And I just, I want to be good for you. So much. Just don’t know if I can.”

  
“But Lou”, Harry sighs, probably for the 1000 time today, looking at his boyfriend, who’s crying again by now. Harry hands him a tissue from the table. “You’ve been so good to me. The best. I don’t know who has put these ideas on your head that you’ve been hurting me or that you wouldn’t be good – I. I hope it’s not that you think you can’t be any good outside of sex? ‘Cause I don’t know what kinds thoughts that ex of yours put into your head, but let’s make one thing clear: you are plenty good. I bet you’re good at sex too, but without it as well” Harry explains, looking straight into Louis’ piercing blue eyes, taking him into his embrace.  
“And, maybe we have different opinions on what’s hurting and what’s not. But the way I see it, hurting me would be if you chose to not respect my limits. Disrespect me when I say no and not listen to me when I say I don’t want to do something. But you do: you drop it when I ask or slow down if needed. And other than that – even I’m still learning, and like you’ve probably even seen already, the stuff I’m comfortable with – it kinda changes? Depending on my mood and the context and such. I know it’s not convenient, not on you or on me, but it is what it is. And the thing is, I’m comfortable learning my limits and testing them with you – and if we sometimes cross them and I have to stop you or slow you down – it. Doesn’t. Mean. You broke me. Understood? It doesn’t. It happens, you stop or we slow down, maybe we talk about it and life goes on. I’ve never felt hurt or violated because of you.”

  
Louis nods, timidly. “Too bad we can’t actually read each other’s minds, not even if we’re ever to mate each other officially.”  
Harry laughs. “Yeah. I guess so. I’m just glad I fell for the not-so traditional alpha. I know many wouldn’t care about consent, but you went up and above to take care of me during my heat. Anyway. Uh, like, when you said you don’t know what I want from you. Litterally it’s just about stopping when I tell you to, or slowing down. You don’t need to worry all that much, hun. But hey” Harry says, just as his stomach starts to rumble aloud. “I’m sorry, but um. Do you think we could maybe continue this after eating? I don’t know if you’re up for much after all this heavy talking, but I could do with some lunch since we skipped Niall’s party. Then we’ll talk more.”  
Louis nods, though he doesn’t say a word. And so Harry gets up to the kitchen, deciding that French toast would be the best option.  
“Ham or just cheese?” He asks Louis, who follows him down there.


	3. Love is kind

After eating, Louis sets his plate down on to the living room table. “Sometimes I just wonder. Wouldn’t it be easier to be with another ace? Or a beta, atleast?” Harry almost chokes on his toast. “Well, I….. not really. I mean, in a way I guess. Is this what’s been making you insecure? Hun, I don’t love another ace, or a beta, I love you. And that makes it all worth. Plus I’m sure you know there’s a whole spectrum of ace people. And different people like different stuff and while it’d might be easier to understand one and another, when it comes to limits… the figuring out would still be there. What works on a certain day and what not. And then there might be other stuff that works with you but wouldn’t work with another person.”

Louis nods again, and moves himself out of Harrys’ embrace. “Yeah, I guess”, he shrugs. Though he doesn’t dare to look Harry in the eyes when stating his next sentence. Or trying to, at least. “But. Well. At least. At least then you wouldn’t have to….”

“Wouldn’t have to what?” The omega questions Louis, who’s still very keen on looking at his striped socks. “Hey. What’s on your mind, hm? Besides what we already talked about?” “Eh, well… it’s just. We sleep on the same bed and all, and….” Harry raised his eyebrows, wondering where Louis was heading for with this. Until it strikes him. “Oh. OH. Honey, no. It doesn’t bother me. The fact that you’re attracted to me and it happens – that you get turned on – it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m not ashamed of my lack of attraction, and just like that you shouldn’t feel ashamed either.”

“So it’s okay to-?” “Yes it’s okay to masturbate. Of course it is. You know I said I do it sometimes too, though not out of attraction or because I like having orgasms, but just because it’s something my body needs sometimes too. To me it’s like a chore. I know it’s more than that for you, but none the less it’s fine by me.”

“I- thanks. I’ve been nervous about it, ‘cause I wasn’t sure if you’d find the act ugly or something. Didn’t want you to catch me in the act and… yeah.” Harry nods, and asks if that’s why he’s been so keen on running to the bathroom after some of their make-out sessions. Louis nods, and Harry explains that it doesn’t have to be like that every time. That his boner doesn’t bother Harry, and it’s not an act that necessarily has to always be done in the toilet. And that’s how they get into a conversation about the act of self-love, and Louis explains that for him masturbating isn’t only a way to relieve himself, but to get in touch with his body and to make himself feel good about it. Harry hums.

“I- yeah. It’s good” Harry says. “It’s good because I know how you don’t always… I’ve come to know how insecure you can get, so. I’m happy you have something like that, that you can feel good like that.” Louis starts crying again then – tears of relief this time, Harry supposes. He’s glad that his alpha isn’t afraid of showing emotions. “Oh honey. This something that’s been on your mind a lot? I’m sorry. I didn’t- I thought. Just, I knew you were a sexual person when getting into this relationship, so just… never occurred to me that you might have this fear. But. I want you to know that there’s nothing in this relationship you have to be scared of. Yes I said what I said about asking stuff, but that’s…. I still don’t want you to afraid to ask if something’s bothering you. In this relationship, I want you to be able to voice your fears and questions and such. And if something’s bothering me, I’ll be sure to tell you.”


	4. Love is patient

Eventually Louis gets more confident in their relationship, even occasionally daring enough to touch himself in bed while Harry’s studying in the living room. But a couple months later he notices there’s still something they haven’t still discussed about. Namely, his rut. As an alpha, he gets ruts much less often than omegas have their heats, but it doesn’t mean Louis finds them any more entertaining. Of course he finds orgasms enjoyable, but a whole week with a boner, and no-one to spend that week with? Mostly it makes him just super overwhelmed, hormones raging all over, and leaves him bone-tired. And to have that every three months… 

Especially now with Harry, it feels like nuisance more than ever. He knows Harry doesn’t want anything to do with it, and even if he did, he’s too scared of himself and the alpha he fears he’d turn, to let it happen. And a week away from Harry… he doesn’t even really want to think about it, let alone do it. He doesn’t want to scare Harry away, and the stories he’s heard of other alphas during their ruts… There’s just no way Harry would enjoy that kind of a treatment.

Louis has never had to bring it up, since he just had one right after they started dating, and the next one fell on the summer vacation, when Harry spent two weeks on Mallorca visiting his aunty Lisa with the rest of the family. But now that there’s been talks of even living together, he can’t really avoid that anymore. Because whether he wants it or not, it’s coming and he can’t stop it.

Luckily, Harry beats him to it. “You know, there’s something I’ve been wondering. Since, as far as I know, alphas have ruts every 3 months unless on suppressants. But I’ve never known you to have yours.”

Louis almost chokes on air. “Yeah, well. I uh, had it just before we started dating, and then when you were vacationing in Mallorca.”

“So when you didn’t answer me and claimed being sick, you were really-“

“Yeah.”

“But why?”

“I don’t know. Guess I felt embarrassed. And anyways, there’s nothing you could’ve done about it from thousands of miles away.”

“Probably much of the same as if I was here. Anyway, doesn’t that mean that-“

“Well, essentially, yes. Unfortunately.”

“Unfortunately?” Harry questions.

“Yes, well. I mean. A week spent away from you-“

“What do you mean away from?” Harry asks and Louis is forced to explain how he doesn’t think it’d be a good idea for Harry to be around once his rut hits.

“But-“ Harry starts to say. He wants to be there for Louis, just like he’s been there for Harry during his heat. Of course there’ll be boners and rutting and possibly toys and sweat and cum, but still. He doesn’t care for that, doesn’t think it’s disgusting. He just wants to help his alpha.

“No. I don’t want you here then. I don’t know- no. You can be at a friend’s place or yours but not here. And that’s final.”

“But why? Unless you’re thinking of spending it with someone else there’s-“

“No, no one else. I’ve actually never, no. Just me. And that’s how I want it to stay.” Okay, weird, Harry thinks. But maybe that’s just how rut is for Louis; something very private, something he wants to do alone? Though normally alphas are very territorial during ruts and extremely possessive of their omegas. Whatever it is, seems like Louis has made his mind.


	5. Love is unselfish

And that’s how it is. From then on, every time Louis has his rut, he practically shoves Harry out the door a few days before. Harry can almost feel how much it’s hurting his partner to do that, but there’s no way around it. He could kick and scream all he wanted, but the result would be the same. And it’s hurting him too, the way his alpha doesn’t seem to trust him with his ruts.

 

“I think he’s just scared” Louis’ alpha friend Liam says, when Harry brings it up one day after Louis just sent him away again. “I mean, it must hurt him extremely, so it’s not an easy decision to do.”

“I just, I just don’t get it.”

“I think he’s scared that he’ll hurt you somehow. Or humiliate himself. I know you’ve never gone through a traditional heat, but it can be really scary to think about losing control of your body like that. Personally, with Sophia, I think ruts and heats and enjoyable, but he’s never had that. A partner to spend them with.”

“Because he doesn’t even want to speak about it!”

Liam sighs. “I know. He can be a bit of an idiot sometimes. Based on what he told me once when we were drunk and got to talking about ruts, I think he fears he won’t be able to control himself and that he’ll say stupid stuff. He complained how overwhelming it all feels, and it’s true because there’s like a lot of hormones raiging all over your body during that time.”

“Yeah, that part I know. Also, I fear for him sometimes. Like, does he remember to drink enough? Does he eat enough? I try to stock things up on his bedside table, but since I don’t have any personal experience, I never really know if it’s enough or not.”

“Well that’s why he has Niall go there and check on him.”

“What? He does?”

“Yeah, didn’t you know that?” Liam asks and explains how there had been an incident during Louis’ sophomore year where he almost got dehydrated. Back then Louis was still living in a student apartment, and if Niall, who was a beta, wouldn’t have barged into Louis’ room looking for his anatomy book, who know what would have happened. “You know he’s not actually too good on self-care. And the little nurse in Niall – did you know that nursing was actually his second choice beside psychology? Anyways, the little nurse in him, got freaked out. And so he made Louis promise that he could check on him once every rut and make sure he’s drank and eaten enough. Louis probably finds that very humiliating as well, but you know how Niall is. ”

“Oh”, is the only thing Harry manages to say. How come he didn’t know any of this?

“Yeah. I didn’t know Louis too good back then, but Niall told me about it. Does that lessen some of your worries?”

 

It sure did. But then something happens. About three days later, when he’s walking home from university, Harry’s phone rings.

“Hi Niall. What’s up?” He asks, seeing it was Niall ringing.

“Hi. Uh, listen. I’m at your apartment right now.”

“Yeah? Liam told about your little deal. Which, might I say is a bit weird considering he won’t let me in but then with you it’s fine-“

“Well uh, mate. I think you should come here now. Where are you? How fast can you get here?”

“What? I’m heading home from class. Is everything okay? Is Louis injured? What’s going on?”

“Well not exactly, but. I don’t know. It’s never been this bad, I’ve never seen him like this.”

“What’s never been this bad? What the hell’s going on?!”

“Just- just get here as fast as you can, I’ll explain you then.”

That’s when Harry starts running. He sprints to the nearest bus stop he knows will take him towards Louis’ place and sits on the bench to wait. What could it be that made Niall so worried he had to call Harry? Is Louis’ sick or something? He’s never heard of a sickness caused by rut, but that doesn’t mean such thing cannot exist.

It takes 20 minutes for Harry to finally arrive at Louis’ (soon to be theirs) house. The door’s already opened and Niall is waiting for him in the livingroom. “

”Hi. I’m sorry to-“ He stars, but Harry tells him to skip right into it. “Well, he’s like… I don’t even know how to prescribe it. He’s sleeping now but. He’s very distressed. Or his alpha is. I’ve noticed it in the past too, during ruts, but somehow it’s gotten worse. Even I can sense it, and I’m a beta.”

Harry doesn’t know what to say. He’s too worried. “I think it’s about you not being here. No, I know it’s not your fault, but still. He’s an idiot, and the alpha in him maybe even more so. He thinks he’s doing the right thing by not letting you be here, but then again he’s alpha craves you. And the hormones especially make him think he’s a bad alpha because he drove you away. Or that he’s a monster that drove you away. Something like that. He’s like mad at himself, mad that he had to drive you away. Also maybe scared you wouldn’t have wanted to be there either way. Like, an alphas mind during these times is a bit one-tracked, babies only….”

Harry still doesn’t know what to say, just sits there and listens to Niall. “Normally I don’t go in there unless I know he’s sleeping or in the showers, but this time I heard him crying. Mate, crying. And the sight of him, all sweaty, humping the bed away and wailing for you… he looked so vulnerable. I closed the door, but once he was done for the round, I went back in and made him drink a whole bottle of water. And I just, I’ve never seen him like that, just the look in his eyes. I don’t know if alpha drop is a thing, but it was almost like as if that could happen. It wasn’t anything like the alpha I’ve seen before.”

“Then what happened?” Harry asks, and Niall tells him that then he went to the hamper, collected a few of Harry’s dirty shirts and laid them next to Louis, who was already almost asleep. “Then I phoned Liam, who basically just told me to make you come here as soon as possible.”

“Okay. Thanks, for looking after him. I just – I wish he didn’t refuse to speak to me about this. I’ve tried to give him opportunities, tried to make him open up to me.”

“I know. But what’s done is done. Now, I think you should go there before he wakes up. I’ll see myself out. Text me?”

Harry nods and gets up to go to their bedroom. Once he gets there, the first thing he sees, are Louis’ hair all sweaty and matted on Harry’s pillow. His heads peeking from where he has buried himself under the duvet almost like a burrito, and Harry wonders how he can still do that while being so sweaty. Or maybe it’s a security thing? When he steps closer, he sees Louis’ also hugging one of Harry’s colleges. “Oh honey”, Harry sighs then softly. He sits on the bed right next to his boyfriend, neverminding the dirty spots he sees. This is more important. As Harry starts to pet his hair, Louis starts to stir.

“Hi dear”, Harry smiles gently, trying not to scare him.

“Whatyoudoinghere” Louis answers drowsily, still somewhat in the dreamland. He looks more tired than Harry’s ever seen, and even in the dim light he can spot the tear tracks on his face. “Niall got scared and called me.”

“Hmph. Silly little Nialler”, Louis answers and falls back to sleep, snuggling into Harry, who cannot help but laugh. He stays there, letting his alpha bask in the smell of his omega, clearly needing it. Harry can practically feel how stressed his body is. Next time Louis wakes up is a couple hours later and when he spots Harry next to him, he quickly jumps up into a sitting position.

“What the fuck?!! Harry, you can’t be here! No, no no, you must- must-“

“No. I’m not going anywhere and that’s final.”

“But, but-“ Louis tries. “No buts. Do you know when the next bout is going to happen? Just trying to see if we have time to speak before.”

“It’s like, my third day? I don’t know. How many hour was I asleep? Oh shit. Uh, not long.”

Harry draws a deep breath. “Okay, fine. I’ll do this fast. Do you know why I’m here?” Louis shakes his head. “Well, Niall called me. Would’ve been nice to know about you’re little pack by the way. Anyways, he called me in distress saying something like “it’s never been this bad” and that I should get here. Lou. Why do you insist on doing this alone? When I can see it hurts you so bad. Even now.” Harry couldn’t exactly pinpoint something wrong about his boyfriend, but all in all the boy he could see in front of him, wasn’t his normal Louis. Probably not even normal rut-Louis. 

”Because I’m afraid I’ll hurt you. Physically or vebally. Or that you’ll think it’s disgusting.”

“Well, I’m literally sitting on a spot of your cum, so I think we can both establish that I won’t be scared of your bodily fluids. Also, no. I know you Louis. Yes rut can be… intensive, for the lack of a better word. But I’m not scared of you nor the rut you. And I can very well defend myself, even against rut-you. Fuck, I just- I think it should be my decision if I want to stay or not?” Harry could see Louis take a deep breath.

“Yeah but. I just. What if… I don’t know, I just. What if you only said so but then… what if you didn’t want to be here in the end? What if you really thought the things I do are disgusting – that I’m disgusting. What if you didn’t want me? You don’t- you-“

“No, I want you Louis. Period. I might not care for sex myself, but just because I don’t personally find joy in it, doesn’t mean I think you’re disgusting. And I want to be here, I want to see what you look like in the throes of passion. I want to make thing enjoyable for you. I don’t want you to feel like rut is something you just have to suffer through, barely even making it. Fuck, you have no idea how scared I was when I got that call.” “Oh”, Louis said. “I’m sorry if you’re previous omega was so horrendous he wasn’t ready to be there for you the same way you were for him, but I’m not too into the whole traditional-thing and I understand how vulnerable you can sometimes feel. Oh fuck, Lou, you smell pretty good during rut, did you know?”

“Yeah. I guess he was… well, he’s an ex for a reason. I think- I think the next round is hitting already. Are you sure-“

“Absolutely. And I want you to know, I’m not some bloody damsel in distress. You can give in to your urges, just no fucking me, and let go. I’ll be here making sure nothing bad happens to us.”


	6. Love is hopeful

From there on, Louis' rut went by smoothly. It was an exciting experience for both of them, and tiresome, but Harry was sure both could say they honestly enjoyed it. Though Harry could notice the distinctive lack of sex toys Louis had, and brought it on a couple weeks later.

“Hey, I was thinking”, he said one day.

“Yeah?”

“I uh. During your rut, I noticed that you have very few sex toys. Do you not just prefer them or – because I hope you know you can have them around in this house?”

Louis turned into a red, blubbering mess. “Yea, well yes I uh-. I guess just. I don’t know. I had my first rut ever with Elliot, you know? So back then I didn’t really need any. And afterwards, I’ve never really gotten around to do any search so… I’ve thought about it once or twice but I don’t know. Didn’t really know what’d be good and then when we started to date. Too embarrassed then I guess. I mean before we had that chat about masturbating.”

“Yeah well know you know it’s okay. If you want, we can look into it together someday? Shop online or go to a store. Maybe look for something I could use as well, like stuff with a remote?”  


“You’d be willing to do that?” Louis looked baffled.

“Yeah, absolutely.”

“Then uh. Maybe. Could we. Do it now?”

“Woww, eager much? No, ofcourse we can do it. I’ll just get my laptop, okay?” Harry said and kissed Louis’ cheek.

“So there’s like a… tons of websites. I think this is the one they often advertise on telly, maybe we could click that one first?” Harry asked, and Louis nodded.

“Let’s see. Toys for alphas. Oh my, there’s. Well, you’ve got choice. Have you any idea what you’d like? Something pretty vanilla, right?”

“Yeah. Maybe like a vibrating fleslight or something. Oh, I think that looks interesting.”  


After a while Louis had decided on a couple of things plus strawberry and vanilla flavoured lubes (though Harry wasn’t sure what he’d really do with flavoured lubes since he didn’t think Louis would be into deepthroating his toys, but Louis just claimed the bottles looked cute) and some alpha condoms to go with the toys. Harry was about to click on the shopping card-icon to go and pay, but Louis stopped him.

“Hold on. Could I- Do you think it’s okay, or not like totally weird or wrong or. Just tell me if it is, or. Maybe. I mean I totally know it is-“

“Hey. Stop stop stop. Stop that. Whatever it is that you want, it’s okay. I won’t think it’s weird.

“Even if it’s made for omegas?”

“Even if. So you want something like a dildo?”

“Yeah. I, uh. I saw one with an inflatable knot once in an ad somewhere, and uh... haven't been able stop thinking about it ever since. How good it would feel” Louis’ cheeks were even darker red now. “I know it’s not a typical alpha thing though.”

“Yeah and I don’t care if it is or isn’t. But should we check if there’s something like that for alphas? Maybe that’d be safer you know?”

Louis nodded, although he wasn’t sure there’d be any other weird alphas who like this kind of thing.

“Oh, look. Here” Harry said to his delight though. “Which colour?”


End file.
